The 2005 Draft: High School Yearbook Edition

The 2005 Draft: High School Yearbook Edition
Jun 29, 2005, 01:19 pm
Now that the business side of the draft is over, let's take a lighter look at the 2005 NBA Draft. Who is most likely to succeed? Who is best dressed? Who cares. Here's my take on the best and the brightest from the MSG floor in New York City.

Most likely to pack a sack lunch to practice: Ike Diogu. A soft-spoken workout monster, Diogu eats soft layups for lunch, probably with the crusts cut off.

Most likely to steal your lunch money: Rashad McCants. The man who once referred to genteel Carolina as a "prison" will replace Latrell Sprewell's shining attitude in Minnesota. Enjoy the snow, dawg.

Most motivated to destroy the teams with the first 18 picks: Hakim Warrick. Doubted at every level, the Syracuse jumping jack was the last man sitting in the Green Room. Judging by the look on his face afterwards, it's a feeling he'll not soon forget.

Most difficult to get within twenty feet of in two years: Marvin Williams. Maybe it was the glimmering rock in his ear or the feeling of barely scratched uber-confidence he exuded, but it sure seems if you need to talk to Williams, do it now. Soon you'll have to call his agent's assistant and set up an appointment, because Marvin will be busy getting fitted with Jay-Z's tailor.

Best Jason Kidd impression: Deron Williams. Stocky, pass-first guard with great court vision and inconsistent jumper seeks team desperate for floor leader willing to trade up. Clippers need not apply.

Most likely to get posterized while playing defense: Fran Vasquez. Skinny Euro a surprise at pick No. 11. Call me crazy, but anyone else think Vince Carter is licking his chops to "Fred Weis" this dude?

Most likely to get frosted highlights in his hair: Andrew Bogut. He already did it once in Utah, and once he gets to ever-cosmo Milwaukee, all fashion bets are off.

Worst spot to be in award: Yaroslav Koralev. You're an 18-year old Russian with a career 4.5 PPG average in the Russian Superleague. You've just been drafted by the Clippers. You're known as "versatile." Yeah, this is gonna work out great.

Most anticipated rookie matchup: Chris Paul v. Julius Hodge, Round II. One is confident, hungry and soon-to-be playing to packed crowds for the rising Nuggets. The other will be passing to PJ Brown and playing in front of 6,000 in New Orleans. Can you see another punch in the groin in the works? Judging by the draft crowd's negative reaction to Paul, we're betting yes.

Best 'I wish I could be there' moment: Man-child Andrew Bynum locking horns with Chris Mihm in Lakertown. Someone has to win that battle, right?

Best 'I wish I could be there' moment II: When Bynum receives his first motivational book from Zen Master Jackson and the big kid asks, in all seriousness, if it's available on CD.

Most likely to miss eating pizza in his dorm room: Sean May. A no-brainer move for the Final Four MOP to go pro, but he's well-spoken, loved school and now bleeds Carolina Blue. If anyone remains unimpressed with Mr. May, they'll simply never be impressed.

Most likely to buy Tony Allen a Thank You card: Joey Graham. Has OK State coach Eddie Sutton trademarked "surprisingly good athletic small forward" yet? From Byron Houston all the way to Graham, the legacy continues.

Most likely to be overlooked AGAIN: Antoine Wright. Kid's a dynamite shooter and athlete that toiled in obscurity for Texas A&M. Then all he did was wow folks with his workouts. Where did it get him? One spot behind the grumpy, undersized McCants. I don't get it either.

Least likely to miss final exams: Danny Granger. Four years, two schools, near total lack of hype before final two months of senior year. With a new abundance of free time, Granger's Playstation 2 skillz just went through the roof.

Most likely to get sued by former Presidential hopeful John Edwards: Raymond Felton. After the fourth time Felton referred to growing up in a small town to caring parents who taught him hard work can help you live your dream, Edwards, the former trial lawyer, had to start getting itchy palms.

Most likely to get carded at the movies: Martell Webster and his new teammates Travis Outlaw and Sebastian Telfair. The prep phenom from Seattle was the first high schooler chosen and should find kindred spirits in the youthful Blazers. Someone should tell Paul Allen he can't win the NCAA title, too.

Most likely to get booed pulling on his socks: Channing Frye. Welcome to New York, stringbean. Tony from the South Bronx has a few choice words for you if you're just tuning in.

Happiest man ever to be exiled to Canada: Charlie Villanueva. We're still shocked he was the Raptors' man at No. 7, but I guess it proves the old saying that you can never have too many 6'10" men who don't like to bang.

Most in need of firing his agent: Gerald Green. I'm guessing that "no private workouts" policy should be revisited after the next Tracy McGrady fell to the Celtics, who gladly gobbled him up at 18. Note to Green: Don't sweat it, a guy named Jermaine O'Neal went 17th overall in 1996 and rumor has it he turned out OK.

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